Thursday, October 9, 2014
I miss my mama. Every day, my heart feels the brokenness of her death and then I feel the joy, leaping up, so full I think I will burst, of knowing she is with her Savior and nothing else matters. I realized something today, as I was reading a story about Brittany Maynard and an open letter to her from a favorite blogger of mine . I was given an incredible gift: to experience grieving my mother's death WITH my mother while she was dying. It's a common refrain from those who are left to deal with unexpected deaths: I wish I had one more day. Well, I did get another day. 23 of them, to be exact, 23 days between confirmation and my mama's passing. What a gift. Reading these two women's stories and seeing the different ways that they are dealing with their impending deaths made me realize that the scariness of death and pain is nothing compared to giving those you love one more day by your side. I think my mother was brave, but I think she would disagree. I never saw a hint of fear - she knew where she was going and couldn't wait to see her Jesus - but I think she would say that she was just following the natural end of a fatal disease. To me, choosing to accept that end and all the unknowns that come along with it IS brave. And letting us walk the painful journey with her was a blessing that I am thankful for every day. My mama loved me with her whole heart for her whole life, and that didn't change at the end. She chose to let us grieve alongside her and to suffer through the pain, knowing what was on the other side. I am so thankful.